It’s been eight months. No longer do I need to qualify this time-period with a subject. We all know. As long as I can remember, I’ve compartmentalized my life by time periods. I think that’s human nature. What was life before being married? Where was I when I got sober? How was I when Jacob was born? What about the day Ana was born? What about when I had my most triumphant and tragic experiences? When, When, When.
A lot of these memories have faded to some degree. Time has a tendency to intensify or, more likely, dull these experiences. Naomi and I took Ana to school this weekend. Becky was able to come down. I was able to see my cousins and friends. I didn’t get to see Leila Dov. Big loss but I will be in the CHI much more. It’s time to add another time period to my life; Empty Nesting.
Since she was able to, Ana was attached to Naomi. She struggled getting on her school bus. At family outings and parties, Ana would grab a hold of Naomi’s leg and somehow stay in that position. On the few occasions when it was just me, she’d do the same with me. It took Ana a long time to “de-womb.” As the years came and went, I grew more concerned. I, unfairly, compared her to Jacob. He attacked new challenges as just that…Challenges. The word in itself is a fun word. Pushing ourselves a little (or a lot) is what makes us grateful. I voiced my concerns with anyone who would listen. Naomi would just tell me she’s fine and she’s going at “her pace.”
This summer, as I doubted Ana in my mind, something happened. She had a job. She was dealing with separating from her two best friends soon. She is grieving over losing her brother and biggest support system. Somehow, she quietly worked. She came home and didn’t complain. Ana became less dependent. I saw a confidence that was different. It’s easy for me to say this was Jacob protecting her. It’s more than that. Ana was ready.
We took her to school. We unpacked with her. We met her suite mate. She met people and quickly made friends. She started her Chicago immersion and there were no complaints. Well, there was one complaint. After my 4th Facetime (possibly more) of the day she answered. Ana was at the student center eating. Her greeting changed. She asked me what I needed. It wasn’t about her, it was about me. Ana is doing well. She’s ready. She knows, with confidence, Jacob, Naomi, Brandt, aunts/uncles/cousins, friends (especially Maddie and Lainey) and a host of others are there WHEN she needs them/us.
